june 29, 2010

Im tired, i think i may be getting depressed. i am seriously in debt so today i asked Ben if he would let me borrow the money from him and pay him the 27.999999% interest. id rather be raped by someone i know. i think about all the shit i wanna do and how i havent done any of it. i was trying to help myself today. I tried to boost my self-confidence 25 killer actions to boost your confidence. It worked for a short time. i was scanning through Revolver- the movie which is about how the ego has played the most amazing trick on you, making you believe that you are it. so im thinking that maybe its my ego that feels hurt and if i do some confidence building it'll feel better. i think that soul to squeeze is one of the best red hot chilli pepper songs ever. im looking at Robery Williams art of which anthony is a huge collector.

The last time i saw my therapist, Ann, i told her that i had no self control. i constantly tell myself that i wont get high and still i do. well i first say no and then i give in and go for it. she wanted me to pay special attention to what happens in between when i say no and then say yes. She's off for vacation and i think ive figured it out. either im bored and i smoke so that whatever arduous task im doing becomes more pleasurable or because i dont wanna care and want to let loose and not be so controlling. the controlling is never helped by weed though, other substances yes but not weed. so im going to stop doing drugs as of today. the only method that has worked for me in the past is waking up in the morning and telling myself that "i will not do drugs today, just today" and allow myself to decide if ill do them the next day. it really works. so i will not do any drugs today. there, im getting so much better at self care and control.  yay

THE WILDCHILD ROARING AT EDC 2010

june 28, 2010

• Why is it that Asian people know how to drive fast and well while they're young but when they pass thirty they suddenly become the worst drivers ever! yes i almost got run over by yet another asian guy in a honda! wtf.
• Why did Moby suck at edc this year? i waited to see him all fricken year, listened to the live dj set he did at ultra and even popped a pill just for him and HE SUCKED. i know he was supposed to be on the main stage in the coliseum and i know that bt sucked as well so maybe the promoters didnt treat their djs very well and they in turn took it out on us (the fans). I dunno, thats wrong. you have one fan out there you should play for them.
• I learned today that opposite sides of dice always add up to 7
• i also learned: iran is from aryan meaning "land of nobles" used in the first millennium. "persia/persian" was first used by the greeks and is derived from the southwesterly province of pars which was the cradle of the persian empire. 
• i decided today that i will never wait for vanesa ever again and that what ever time we set upon meeting, i will leave twenty minutes after that. 

the picture of the day is of this MUTHA FUCKING HOT HOT HOT GUY that imma call James who's been rocking my dreams for the past few nights. He comes compliments of the kinky s&m lovers of Male Submission Art Thank you so so so much for expanding my sexual horizons. Although i'm still not ready to dominate or be dominated by anyone, your site has provided hours of sexy fun (which drained the batteries of my little rabbit helper more than once) yay yay yay ;) James, where ever you are, if you happen to see this gorgeous photo of yourself on this blog please email me, i would love to play with you. 

june 27, 2010

FAIL- its okay, things are always shaky at first right? maybe i should amend the rules so that i only write everyday on the weekdays but i wont until i at least try for another two weeks. So this weekend i learned that there is truly no one to blame but yourself. you are the ruler and creator of your life by the time youre 20 (give or take 3 years). that being said, i need to be a better ruler/ creator cause didn't listen to my instincts and that cost me 4.5 hours of stand by until my friends got ready. i also swallowed the odious powder  last night at edc which, although it allowed me to have a fantastic time despite the bruises on my shins and back, caused me to stay awake until 5am this morning and thus not getting anything done the whole day. the only upside to this whole weekend was being able to talk with John for almost three hours :)

the photo today is of a fire and light installment at edc 2010 looking through holographic lenses.

June 24th 2010

Today was Aidens birthday though he had no clue. i privately celebrated the beautiful new addition to my family. Ive been trying to convince my sister to ask for help when she needs it. i once again talked to my ex because he is my drug of choice and love withdrawal comes and goes. Here are some kool photos

MY GOALS AND WISHES FROM THIS PROJECT

i want to see if i can author at least five sentences every day as well as post a picture of something i found interesting. if i find that i can keep up with this then i will start adding a link everyday as well. i hope this project will help me break through some of the fear of sharing my thoughts, will help me to be a better writer, will allow me to look back at my experiences and connect me to my web.