July 28,2010

• Naples comes from "Neapolis"- which means new city

List of misconceptions

Entry Gate Design Ideas

not really that funny :(

clipped from www.floppingaces.net

so true

clipped from www.seattlepi.com

july 12, 2010

My prediction for True Blood season 3, trouble.

Bill is going to beat the shit out of his new king but not kill Lorena. He is also going to save Tara. Sookie is going to be in serious trouble with the wold pack but her white light power is going to save her but not until Bill senses that she is in enough trouble that he is willing to break his decision to not be in her life. Bill is gonna get in trouble not only with the sheriff for being accused of selling e and for shocking that king dude. Sam is going to find out that Joe is caging his son Tommy for a dog fight. Arline is having Maryann's child.

July 9, 2010

This is a video i took at EDC 2010. i was taking more so i could remember the huge crowd rather than to hear the music. it was completely full of people. 

so i havent written for a few days because ive been staying at my cousins house while i rent my room out for $70 / night on Airbnb.com. i have to save money cause my Ben is going to Italy and i wont have income for a month, and after that month i need to go to Burning Man. I havent bough my tickets for that yet. Today i went on a private tour of Paramount Studios.

It was pretty boring. We basically found out that Lucille Ball was a shrewd business woman that was a workaholic. She recreated her backyard and vacation homes on the studio property so that when the world accused her of not being a good mother she could take publicity shots with her kids in the pretend backyard and say she was at home with them. She was the first woman ever to run a studio (which she ran by herself for 7 years- highest gross made those years of any studio). We also learned that the Hollywood sign has been revamped to stay "Holywood" when the pope visited and to "Hollyweed" by some pranksters. 

Other than that, ive been really depressed lately. Im ready for it to go away. its like i dont have choices in life and i can easily see myself becoming or staying nothing. just in the blink of an eye i will be forty and nothing to show for it. John says i need to stay in the moment but as Fred McDowell says "when the lord gets ready, you got to move"



Im fucked. i havent done ANYTHING with my life. it seems like i keep waiting for something to HAPPEN TO ME. i want to move. anyway i dont have enough energy to even write about it so i guess imma stop right here.

The positive of the day was going to my sisters house and having my niece Maya "dress me up like a GIrl:)" hehe

nice and cheesy

July 5, 2010

You know when those cheesy catchy pop songs get stuck in your head and you cant get'em out. well here is the one thats been going on and on in my head : PIRATE BONES

Update- I had written before about how i am not going to do any drugs for a while and how my therapist Ann advised me to pay attention to why i have an urge to smoke weed. Here are some new reasons why:

1. it makes me hungry and makes the food i do eat taste way better
2. it makes me sleepy and make the sleep i get way better
3. it makes think about my dreams for the future
4. it brings me closer to friends

i will add more to this list as i get more insights

I have to remember not to drink coffee ever. im not sure why but i am super sensitive to it and even if i drink very little like today, i cant sleep until the wee hours, not to mention that it makes my stomach twist. yuck :(

i will write the same thing i wrote on my facebook update earlier.

i think there should be a new law that says that if you have had any previous relation to an industry, then you are not allowed to work for the government monitoring that industry because there is a possible conflict of interest. so if you had previously worked for monsanto- you are not allowed to work for the FDA. i think that would clear up a lot of corruption in our government.

Its crazy to me that the companies providing the energy were the people writing the energy bill. I want to be more involved with whats going on in the world. I recently changed my NYtimes.com to give me the world edition.  

I waste time. i dont know if i just need to do it and thats why i dont stop myself or what. I sit there and stumble. find cool sites and post them on facebook. perhaps i should post them to this blog. its active time wasting but then so is playing video games. i also say that im going to do things like buy Call of Duty but never do. I want to JUST DO IT.

I wait until my shoes get really worn before i buy new ones. i was thinking about when i know that its time for another pair. Its almost like im waiting for my mom or the world to give me its input before i do. it doesnt come from inside. i thought that its about self care. that i need to set a standard and stick to it. I went shopping and bought a swimsuit and it felt very good. i was nervous the whole time because i didnt think i have the cash but it worked out. i survived. 

Found a website called PLAYSCRIPTS that has a search feature- its helping me find a monologue to work on.

Ive totally gotten into Audiobooks but never know what i wanna read- so im going to use THIS BOOK LIST that is guaranteeing that it will induce a mindfuck. i hope its true.

I dont think these are THE BEST MOVIES OF THE 00's but imma see them all anyway

 

  an awesome indie movie that JULIET CARRILLO shot which i think is gonna be great when it comes out. 

 

 

wow really cool art by blu again

 

 

July 4, 2010

So i was thinking that it would be cool if dry cleaners would charge a monthly fee and give unlimited dry cleaning. i dont know how they would do that and still keep it profitable but i think it could work and make things simple. if not then maybe they could just give a card or something. The fourth tonight was great. i always think that maybe i should be somewhere else but today i felt like i was exactly where i needed to be. i was and am content. im glad i kept my computer on the whole time otherwise i probably wouldnt be here forcing myself to write. i had promised myself after edc that i wouldnt do drugs or drink for a while and i managed to do that. i didnt have any alcohol nor did i smoke any pot. WIN. i do get contact highs pretty quickly though so it seemed like i had done both. i think i have a great idea for an iphone app and met a few people at this party that will help me make it into a reality. i have come to terms with the FACT that i am like a bird, as my father always likes to say, i jump from branch to branch and tree to tree. i start a project, have an idea but before i can see the fruit of my labor, i am on to the next thing. if i am to successful in any career, i need acknowledge this truth about myself and harness its gifts. okay, gonna go to bed. the next goal is going to be writing down my dreams every morning so ill get in touch with my id and superego. GOOD NIGHT :)

July 3, 2010

its 2:42am. i had a large hazelnut ice blended today from coffee bean at 11am. prob wont sleep until 4:30am or so. i have ADD which pretty much affects every part of my life. i am also left handed and dyslexic.  one of the more serious issues i have trouble with is reading.  when i read the sentence "the big ball is red" i will read "the bill red ball is" or when i read "watch the curious cow mow the grass" i will read "curious cow, watch grass" so i sometimes skip words. before i found out i was dyslexic i used to think i was impatient and couldnt wait so my eye would skip. a few months ago i was turned on to a website called SPREEDER which allows you to copy any text that you want to read into a box, afterward it will flash each word of what you just pasted one at a time at the set speed starting at 300 words per minute. When i use this service i can follow as fast as 450 wpm and not have any issues which leads me to believe that its not an attention issue as much as its spacial one.

this is van gogh's blossoming almond tree. i love this!

july 2, 2010

This is the first time im writing in the morning. i had the worst night ever last night and need to redirect that energy and get it out of my system. you know how sometimes at night youre not awake yet your not asleep either and you have thoughts but they dont come from you. well ive been pretty depressed lately. im not sure what triggered it but i feel myself going down. nothing is helping. i feel like a failure, i feel like i have nothing to look forward to and nothing to live for. i dont really want anything out of my life and i dont think i will get it even if i want it. i feel like my childhood was an absolute fail and that nothing i do could make that better again. i have many many regrets and im only 25 so i wonder how many regrets im going to have about this age. i know that i cant kill myself because i dont have the balls and there is some part of me that cares about the people around me. i cant do that to them, it would be the ultimate selfish act. IM STUCK. its very hard to move forward when im stuck. so i decided i am going to get up and write down positive things about myself. why i should like myself, which is the opposite of the script going on inside my head all of last night. i feel stupid doing this but i have heard from a few people that it works.

so here we go

• i am honest and kind- i dont ever really think about doing things to hurt people or stop them from their goals
• i am kind to all forms of life and respect all forms of life
• i am level headed and dont get angry very quickly which has helped out many times when with my friends and something goes wrong
• i can be very pretty at times
• i am always open and interested in new ideas and ways of living and doing things 
• i am extremely adaptable to any situation or person
• i learn quickly and try hard
• i appreciate what i have
• im not an idiot (i dunno this one is a bit hard to believe but imma write it anyway)
• im a tomboy ( i like this about myself cause i know how to surf and skateboard, i know how to wrestle and start a fire- useful)
• i am a great listener
• i come up with great ideas to make thing better
• i am not persuaded by trends, if i like something i like them regardless of who doesnt. so for example i fucking love lenny bruce - im original
• i used to write poetry (i write used to cause i havent written anything for a while- dunno if i will again)
• i do theater
• i have curly hair 
• im a vegetarian 
• i make up new words

thats all i can think of right now, ill add to this list.

July 1, 2010

okay before i forget:

•  Acetylcarnitine: improves male fertility, helps with Parkinson's disease  and  Peyronie's disease.
• imma be taking it for adhd
•  Coenzyme Q_{10:  pretty much seems to be good for everything.  Migraine, Cancer, High blood pressure, heart attacks- you name it}  
• Pramiracetam- a stronger version of piracetam
•  Aniracetam

 so i need to start taking serotonin and phenylalanine im already taking choline.  




last night i watched food inc. today i found out that the tofuti ice cream sandwiches i know and love are filled with sugar and not really good for me. i got home today and made food from scratch with quinoa and greens. i think im really depressed because its only 11pm and im passing out. i cant believe this is how the final years of my twenties are going to be. i hate life. cant wait until i die. good fucking night.

june 30, 2010

Jusst finished watching FOOD INC. which was a great documentary about what happens behind the scenes with our food in the united states. I have been a vegetarian for almost 15 years now but i eat meat every now and then and dont always eat organic. After watching this movie i realize how important it is to buy organic and to never eat meat. I dont want to get ecol i but more importantly i dont want to give one penny of my hard earned money to the giant corporations that abuse the environment, the animals and the workers. it simply isnt worth it for me. Again i have realized that Monsanto is the fucking corporate devil because they are playing poker with our farmers at stakes that they cant play. Its kinda what happened to Lenny Bruce and the first amendment, he ran outta money and just couldnt fight any more. the farmers are right but the legal system cost too much to prove that. its sad. i dont know why we cant look to other countries to deal with these challenges. how are they doing it? how have they dealt with these issues? I also need to learn how to READ FOOD LABELS.  Here are a few sites that i visited that helped. Site 1 - the ingredients are listed in order of their proportion in the food, with the most common ingredients listed first. so if there is a lot of sugar in a food, the company will split the sugar up into different kinds so that they dont list it as the first ingredient. Then there is Label padding: when they put a good ingredient at the end is the tiniest amount so that they can say that they are healthy. Then there is the innocent sounding ingredients like carmine (dead sea life coloring) or sodium nitrite (which causes brain tumors and cancer) or Yeast Extract- which is really MSG.

anyway, im passing out now so imma finish this post tomorrow.